The final stretch - literally!

You recently turned 27 weeks old - a day that officially starts off the third trimester. Your movements are much more frequent now - sometimes they are large othertimes I just feel slight squirmy motions. I love them all. They remind me that you are alive and well and very much a sentient being. The other morning at 4:00 am when it was just you and I in bed I put our portable bose soundsystem on my belly and let you listen to some classical and opera music. I'll never know if you enjoy this or if it is too much for your just developing brain and nervous system, but you sure did kick away to the sound. It was a peaceful moment in the early morning before everyone woke up - just you and I in bed with music and motion. Lately I have been waking up in the middle of the night awake and alert. Sometimes I feel you awake too. It feels like just the two of us in that underwater feel of the deep quiet of late night. I can't say I mind this awakefullness at odd hours - although the next day I suffer from it. My days at work are starting to feel more and more tiring and ill fitting. I move around much slower these days as my belly is getting larger.
Last night we went to Paloma's birthday party. Paloma just turned two years old. She is the daughter of one of you mama's best friend from her highschool days. You will most likely develop a crush on her once the two of you reach that age. She has strawberry blond hair, hazel eyes, and the sweetest disposition. Your father and I watched all of the two year olds running around and thought about how our lives are soon to head in this direction. Afterwards we had dinner with your grandparents. They tried to squeeze your name out of us but we kept silent. They are very excited over you and most of the conversation centered on you. They will, most likely, be the first two people that you meet after your father and I. They live close by and will become an important part of your life. We loaded up your changing table in the car in a light rain and headed back over the wet and sparkly bridge to our home in San Francisco. Both your mama and papa were grateful to hit the sack. We cozied up and in the morning read the NY Times off of our laptops. Your mama spent a good portion of today leisurely thumbing through the New York Times very much aware that times like these will become hard fought when you and your needs are out in the world. What a change that will be!
Much love,
mama

A tiny note from the little bear

Hi papa,
I know mamma was busy telling you how much she loves you. Well, I wanted to say a few things too. Thank you for taking such good care of both of us. My home feels so safe and warm and I know it is because mamma feels safe and loved. All of those hormones are like sweet, warm honey! You may not know this but I already recognize your voice. I can tell you are going to be a silly and fun dad. I have to say though - that story you are reading me, The Little Prince, it's a little hard to follow. And, I can't believe the word "negro" was used?! What's up with that? It seems that we are almost finished with that one though. I always kick and get excited when I hear your voice. I know you are already a part of my life and I just want to reach out and let you know that I know. I mean, mamma is there all of the time. I know when she eats, gets on the bus, and does her yoga - but you are an exciting mystery to me. I can't wait for our first high five! By the way, I love doing yoga with mamma. I always wiggle around during her final relaxation phase because I just feel so good. My cramped space always feels more spacious and energetic. Did you notice my lotus pose the other day on the ultrasound? I am really flexible. Sometimes I count mamma's breaths too - although I have to say sometimes she breathes a little fast - it kind of stresses me out sometimes. I can't wait to do yoga with you and mamma. You have a lot to teach me!
Love,
Little Bear

Happy Valentines Day Papa Bear!

Dear Bear (the big one),
I wanted to take a moment to share with you how much I love you and how special it is that together we are creating a new life that soon will be entering this world (3 months away!). Being married and pregnant has been one and the same for us since not one day of our married life has been without a little being growing in my tummy.
Since our wedding I feel like our love has grown even stronger through this experience. Already you are such a wonderful papa and husband. I love your genuine excitment and awe over our baby. I love that you come to all of my prenatal appointments and that you read to him at night time in your new daddy voice. Also, the British, formal accent that you use when you talk to my belly is pretty darn cute. Thank you to for being so patient with all of my pregnancy moods, demands, and worries. Thank god for both of us that you have enough confidence and optimism for the two of us.
I also love that together we are starting to create and imagine our family life together. Not just baby stuff, but also what to do with ourselves in this world, where we would like to live, and generally the type of lifestyle we would like to create. I am proud of all of the choice that we are making and I feel like we do a good job working these things out together. I am excited for you that your path in environmental business is becoming more tangible and exciting for you.
Thank you too for being so supportive and excited for me as I prepare for my new mommy role. I can't wait for our little bear to be born and to go through the miracle of his new life together. I am excited to see you grow as a father. I know you are going to be such a wonderful father to our son. You will be a natural, I know. I am so excited for all of the new and exciting adventures that await our family.
The best part of this pregnancy has been to come home to your sweet face and presence and have you rub and kiss my belly, hug and kiss me. I love at night time holding your back with our little guy between us. I love how much you have opened yourself up to this whole process. I feel so lucky to have you and your love. You are a special guy. I love you with all of my heart.
Love,
Bunny

Hi little bear,

Your mama sure is getting big! She is starting to feel like she waddles just a bit when she walks. Your presence is quite visible in the world. For one, people on the bus have started to offer me their seat on the bus. Your mama rides the bus to and from work and also to and from prenatal yoga.   When you are born you too will experience the gritty San Francisco bus lines.  Lots of different types of folks on the bus - old, young, poor, rich, drunk, sober, and just plain defeated.  It is good though - to stay connected to the world and all its people.  Keeps you on your toes and aware of how others live.  

This weekend has been a relaxing one for your parents.  Last night at 9:30 we saw Happy Go Lucky at the Red Vic (our neighborhood theater).  Your papa enjoyed a bowl of popcorn while your mama tried to sit through a bad bout of heart burn - a lemon lime soda helped a bit.  Just before we left we both shared a homemade pizza.  Delicious, but not good for your mama to eat such a large amount in one sitting!  This was followed by chocolate chip mint cookies that your daddy made.  He is quite the baker that one - turning out new treats all of the time.  I think he gets it from your grandfather Kubischta.  He too loves to bake.   We'll have to get you in the kitchen too!  Trust me, it will pay off.  All of the girls will think it is the greatest thing in the world.  It doesn't take much for us women to be completely awed by you men folk.  

After walking through the damp, empty streets last night we curled up in bed.  Pretty soon the rain was falling hard.  Soon your father will be heading to the mountains for all of the new snow.  Your mama will be in Seattle visiting your auntie Jen and her two sons - Jordy and Caulder.  Caulder was most likely born the day you were conceived.  Pretty cool, huh?  We picture many family outings together - camping, Hawaii, and maybe some backpacking together. 

Today we took a walk along the beach at Fort Funston.  It was incredibly windy - the sand whipping our faces and getting into our teeth and eyes.  Still, though it was nice to get out in the elements.   We watched a model airplane zipping around.  I think you will be one of those lucky boys whose father will build these sorts of things for you and will take you out for the excitement of things flying through the air and the water.  With my shoe I spelled out your name in the sand.  Slowly but surely you are working your way into our lives.  We both love your name, by the way.  

Goodnight little guy.  

Love, 

Mama 

25 weeks

Hi there little bear, 

Lately your momma has been noticing you kick in regular patterns.  I actually look forward to going to bed each night so I can feel your kicks and turns.  I feel you most often in the evenings when I am in bed or in the early morning.  The past few days I have been getting up early for a bowl of cereal so that I can fall back asleep.  Maybe you are demanding an early breakfast each morning?  Are you voting with your feet?

I am also enjoying snuggling in the evenings with your father and you in between.  Often times your fathers back is against you and my tummy - we are like a family sandwich with you as the center.  I suppose this is how it is always going to feel - you in the center.  It is a cozy feeling.  

Today your momma went for a nice walk with Auntie Sarah, Bethany, and Emilie at Fort Funston.  The sun was out - just barely though.  The past few days have been rainy ones.  Today was mostly clear.   It was a beautiful day.  We talked and walked along the coast.   I came home to see your new (used) car seat that your father picked up for you.  A woman in Oakland whose son outgrew it sold it to us.  The colors are dark brown and light green - just like the forrest.   All or most of your baby things are going to be used.  A small gesture for the environment.   Tomorrow your mama is going to pick out some fabric to sew a blanket for your cradle.  It will be her first big project.  Your grandmother is refinishing an antique cradle that your mama slept in when she was a tiny one.   We are lovingly preparing for your arrival.   It won't be long before you are a day to day part of our existence.  We will have trouble remembering what it was like to not have you in our lives.  We cannot wait. 

Love, 

Mama 

Love and Family

Hi there little guy. Someday your momma will tell you all about the work she did while you were in her tummy. This might be hard for you to understand, but, there are lots of children - big and small - who are born into this world to parents who are not able to love and care for them. The culprit is usually drugs and alcohol - but it is even more complicated than that - add poverty, race, single parents, and high school education to the mix and it becomes a situation often maddingly difficult to fix. And, it is the children who suffer the most. It will take you many, many years of living to appreciate just how lucky your life already is. I don't expect or want you to understand anytime soon - your parents are simply giving back what they received from your grandparents. Of course we will mess up in all kinds of ways - but already we love you so much and have taken so much care to make sure you are okay in my tummy. You will be born into a world of love. It is breathtakingly simple and also breathtakingly profound. There are so many people already who love you and cannot wait to meet and hold you.
Tonight I spoke to your Auntie Karen and your Uncle Keith. They are already raising your soon to be little cousin, Mason Edward. He will be about six months older than you. Your not even born yet and you already have a little cousin awaiting your arrival! I am sure the two of you will be fast friends.
Your father is out for the evening listening to a speaker discuss his book on environmental movements in Bolivia. You will come to learn soon enough about how passionate your father is about the environment. We already have your cloth diapers! Your momma stayed in because she is very sleepy today. She was up very early so that she could drive a young girl to her court hearing. This little girl is sweet, shy, and funny and had the entire bottom ripped out of her childhood. Today over hamburgers she reminisced over patches of her childhood - memories of a certain park, etc - all spotty because most of early childhood was spent with an alcoholic mother. She now, after six years in foster care, will be moving in with her sister. There are silver linings everywhere. She asked about you - wondered how you were and is dying to know your name.
Well, little guy, until next time.
Love your sleepy momma.

19 weeks 5 days - the day we found out you are a boy!

Dear Bear- 24 weeks

Hi there little one.  Well, it has been almost a month now since we learned that you are a little boy.  At the ultrasound your father and I were so eager to learn this all important detail about you.  You were moving around quite a bit - pumping your legs, waving your hands, and then a glimpse - a boy!  I felt that much closer to you learning this.  Your father expressed that he feel a new sense of pressure in being a male role model to you.  I think it really struck him at this moment that he is going to be a father.  I am so excited for you to have him as your father.  He is sweet, gentle, a natural teacher, and loves adventures.  I know the two of you are going to have a wonderful father/son relationship.  As for as myself goes, I am very honored to have the opportunity to raise you.  I can't wait to experience the world through a little boy's eyes.  Brand new territory for your mama! 

Oh, and we have a name picked out for you.  Your dad chose it for you just before we learned that we were having a boy.  We think it is a special name and have called you that ever since.   Your mama chose your middle name - and the whole name flows off the tongue beautifully.  

What else has been going on outside your water filled home?

On January 20th Barack Obama, the first African American president and the first president in decades with a first rate mind, vision, and grace, was sworn in as our president.  I took the day off work and watched the festivities with your grandparents.  I even had a sip of champagne!  Did you feel the bubbles?  We were all teary eyed to behold millions of people touched to the core watching this history unfold.  The world is falling apart right now in so many ways - the economy is crumbling, the environment is under seige - but, the world came together in this important way and we will all never be the same.  I am so happy that you will enter this new world.  Some day you will come to appreciate the historical significance of a President that will most likely seem as natural to you as the blue sky.  What else?

Lately your father and I have been reading the "Little Prince" to you.  Each night we take a turn.  Also, I have tried to create symphonies for you outside your wall.   The earphones rest on my belly pumping in classical music - Shanghai quartet (a group from Duane's Summer in Connecticut) I wonder if you like this?  

Your mama took you to Yosemite with your Aunties - we snowshoed at Badger Pass.  We also had a special goodbye blessing for your Auntie Katie who is moving to North Carolina to be with the new love of her life.  On this trip she crocheted for you an organic washcloth.     Well, little guy it has been a treat to feel all of your kicks lately - they are getting more and more frequent.  I know people say that they start to hurt, but I can't imagine caring.  Each little bump and movement reminds me that you are alive and well.  That their is this new life inside of me growing by the day.